Review: “Too Low For Zero” by Elton John (Vinyl, 1983)

Today’s POP RESCUE from an uncertain fate, is the 1983 Too Low For Zero album on vinyl, by Elton John. Would this album score ‘nil points’ or less, or is it good? Read on..

Elton John - Too Low For Zero (1983) album. — Elton John – Too Low For Zero (1983) album.

This 10 track LP opens with Cold As Christmas (In The Middle Of The Year) which is a nice gentle plodding mid-tempo with Elton on the piano. It’s not a Christmas song despite hitting the charts in December 1983, but it is a nice paced track, with some nice little vocal harmonies (collaborator Kiki Dee is here on vocals too) that help to carry this loveless track long. The track was the fourth and final single, taking him to #33.

Following this is #4 UK hit Still Standing, one of my favourite tracks by Elton. This track gallops along wonderfully in contrast with a certain air of glam rock in a way. This results in a wonderfully catchy and foot-tappingly great song.

That is followed by titular Too Low For Zero, which arrives with bright tinkling piano and percussion, starting as if it’s a Pet Shop Boys track. Elton’s vocals are more subdued here, and the track takes on an overall softer sound. Synth pads balance out the track in the vocal harmonies, with little else in play, making it sound like a nice simple song, with occasional little bleeping synths thrown in towards the end.

Then it’s Religion, which takes on a completely different style, with a narrative approach. This is far more upbeat and stylised. Guitars give this an American country-rock feel, and even Elton’s vocals give a few twangs of this at times too. It also includes a wonderful lyric that feels like another example of an Elton’s songs that puts his sexuality hidden in plain sight; “Religion. Well you do the best you can. We all make the same mistakes. We’re gonna wind up with the man”. Amazing.

This side closes with lead single I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues. This piano ballad took Elton to #5 in the UK singles chart. The track is also one of his most recognised and successful songs, even if it’s a pretty melancholy song. The track also includes a harmonica, which as is still the law of music, can only be played by Stevie Wonder.

Side Two opens with what sounds like the missing snow storm from the side one opener, but instead it’s the lead into Crystal. We’re soon met with some glam rock-esque beats and rich synths. Elton’s vocals drift in, and the overall sound is something a bit space-like. It’s a simple bouncy track, and another gentle opening to a side of the album.

Then we’re on to the growling guitars and hard rock beats of third single Kiss The Bride. In this, Elton throws his vocals around with ease – and he sounds like he’s enjoying showing off his raspier and harder big vocals. It’s a great track, which sadly didn’t repeat the success of the two preceding singles, but instead gave Elton another Top 20 hit, reaching #20 in the UK singles chart.

Whipping Boy is next, and this is a bit of a weird one, in which Elton seems to take a lot of time to say the song’s title whilst some electric guitars roar in the background. There are plenty of lyrics in here too, mostly about age and being too young, but it’s all just a silly mess.

Then it’s Saint, which returns us to a nice heartfelt Elton mid-tempo track. Synths are sounding wonderful here again, before the big emotional chorus arrives and the piano and electric guitars turn in for the big vocals. It’s quite a nice gentle song too, but certainly belongs here on the album.

The album closes with One More Arrow, which gives us some pretty high Elton vocals alongside a piano. He’s joined by strings to give us a very much heartfelt performance, and help to ensure that the emotion of the song soars upwards with the track as it heads towards the finale. It’s a great track to close the album with.

Lead single ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues’ from 1983.

Verdict

Over all, this album feels very much like most Elton John albums – lots of well crafted piano performances, tidy lyrics, and easily made.

Whilst it does sound like many of his albums, the two biggest hits (Still Standing, and I Guess That’s…) shine here, alongside Kiss The Bride, and the closing One More Arrow. Stevie Wonder and Kiki Dee put in subtle performances that you’d only spot by reading the sleeve notes, allowing Elton’s musicianship, songwriting with Bernie Taupin, and vocal style to shine throughout.

The lowest point here is Whipping Boy, which feels a bit uncomfortably sexual now, as well as weird to be hearing him sing about being thirty when Elton in 2024 (the time of this review) is a 77yr old. However, it doesn’t jar the album much, but a skip wouldn’t really hurt.

It’s a good solid Elton album, with some of his biggest hits within. Enjoy!